Horten Der Fangirls
Horten der Fangirls (also Horten die Fangirls, Horten die Fanmädchen, and just about any other phrasing you can think of).
–n. 1. Horde of Fangirls. [German] A pack of rabid fans. Refers in particular to fans on the rampage—squeeing, flailing, OMG-ing, their eyes replaced with lovehearts and their sense of personal space and boundaries overridden by maniacal adoration. 2. People assimilated by this horde.
A collective term. To refer to a single person within the Horten, use whichever appropriate: “fanboy”, “fangirl”, “fan”, or “suspect in custody”.
In instances where fanboys are also present, user may exercise own judgment in adjustment of term. If number of fanboys outweighs number of fangirls, “Horten der Fanboys” or similar is allowed. However, the abbreviated “Horten” is preferred, since it is general enough to discriminate against no one.
–n. The state of glazed-eyed mindlessness someone enters when they are overtaken by fangirl/boy instincts. Usually in response to something particularly confronting in their fandom, such as the sight of fictional dreamboys emerging shirtless from a fictional ocean.
–v. assimilate The act of entering or being forced into this state (“This being has been assimilated by the Horten der Fangirls”).
–n. The inexplicable voice-over that serves as answering machine to the vacated minds of assimilated fans. When an assimilation has taken place, the AutoResponse appears and explains that the Horten’s latest prey is currently unavailable, using the default phrase “AutoResponse: This being has been assimilated by the Horten der Fangirls”.
The history of the Horten is a complex one with many stages, so here’s the brief(ish) version…
On omg-squee’s sister site Obernewtyn.net (Obernet for short), there exists a hallowed tradition known as the RPG. This stands for “role-playing game”, yes, but not in the usual sense. Obernet RPGs are essentially scripts—imagined dialogues between the real-life participants and fictional characters they’ve appropriated for the occasion. They’re meant to be as entertaining as possible, and the personalities of favourite characters from various fandoms (especially the book series to which the site is dedicated) are lovingly torn to shreds on a regular basis. The concept of the Horten sprang from conversations in one particular RPG function, the 2009 Mystics’ Ball. The quotes are supplied below—the reference jokes will only make sense to those familiar with the Obernewtyn Chronicles, but for context’s sake…
Min coined the term here:
Domick: *crosses arms, shaking head* I’m not the one who makes the rules, Maz. If you sniff, paw at, cut a lock of or write about your date’s hair, you are officially at heart, part of Horten Der Fangirls.
Min: o_O She’s part of what now?
Domick: Hoard of the Fangirls. In Jerman. Thought it was kinda catchy 😉
A while later, fellow member Maz added this scene, which spawned the AutoResponse and assimilation aspects:
*down on the beach Maz is staring in a kind of trance as Swallow washes bits of fish out of his hair*
Maz: o_O Not… good… for… mental… health
Swallow: *finishes washing the fish out and starts walking out of the sea*
Maz: :O Shirt…
Swallow: Maz? Are you ok?
Maz: x_X Rational… side… gone…
Maz: *staring as though hypnotised at Swallow* AutoResponse: this being has been assimilated by the Horten der Fangirls
Swallow: Maybe I should get you a drink? *realises the rings are gone* What?! Have you got them Maz?
Swallow: Oh for Lud’s sake! *curses under breath then leads Maz (who is still staring as though hypnotised at Swallow) over to Min, Domick and Bec* Hey! Do you know what to do with her? She went all weird after I washed my hair. And where are the rings?
Min: Gollum stole the rings. *waves hand in front of Maz’s face*
Maz: o_O View… must… not… be… interrupted…
Domick: *to Maz* Whats up with you?
Maz: AutoResponse: this being has been assimilated by the Horten der Fangirls
Swallow: What does ‘assimilated’ mean?
After this, the Horten der Fangirls and their AutoResponse passed into common usage during RPGs (and, for some of us, life more generally…).
In recent times, grammatical flaws have been unearthed in the terminology. For example, since “fangirls” is (presumably) a feminine noun, the use of the masculine “der” is incorrect. Thus, you might occasionally see “Horten die Fangirls” in its place.
However, since the whole thing is pretty obviously tongue-in-cheek, few people will quibble over the term’s exact grammar and spelling, so use whichever version takes your fancy. For us, it always means the same thing: run, before the Horde assimilates you.